Transmuting Fear. Becoming Free.
There is a wonderful quote by Toni Morrison that goes, “Freeing yourself was one thing, gaining ownership of that freed self was another.
On my Inner Journey Outer Destination, I better understand Morrison’s words. I am re-socializing my mind considerably to expand how I perceive the world and how I take care of self. This is the first step in freeing myself as I gain new knowledge and re-associate ideas and concepts like what freedom means to me.
My first steps toward freedom are mental, cerebral even. Translating my intellectual freedom (of thinking whatever I want from a logical perspective outside of the Western perspective) to practicing economic freedom (of actually doing whatever and whenever I want) is the biggest challenge I am undertaking to live in my authenticity.
Setting Myself Free
I define freedom by my ability to think freely and act accordingly to live harmoniously in my divinity. Living in my divinity means being comfortable and confident with my skills and knowledge to live in peace and prosperity while helping others do the same.
Freeing myself means going on an Inner Journey to assess my feelings and knowledge to ultimately work through cognitive dissonance and resolve any discrepancies between negative expectations outside myself and those that are positive and set by myself.
In this process I discover how fear manifests in the forms of self-doubt and procrastination because of the implicit stereotypical expectations and misrepresentations fed to me about blackness and Black Women in media and k-12 education.
Identifying these discrepancies reveal how fear operates as a social construct to ensure I do not fulfill my deep desires. Fear becomes a limiting factor enforced by Eurocentrism and American myths as seen with the historical lack of representation of Blacks and African Americans in positions of authority and power across all sectors and businesses in Western society.
I realize that fear is not a reason to do something especially if my intention aligns with the best interest of my community and myself. The more consistent I become in living in my divinity, the lesser effect fear of mistakes and judgement have on my journey.
This practice nurtures my wholeness which is my second step to realizing my freedom. Understanding that I am whole (healed) and knowledgeable is necessary in becoming free as I understand that I do not need to be sold any false narratives, products, or services that do not align with my vision of self and community.
Understanding what makes me whole is a necessary step to understanding what parts of me need healing. This awareness made me cognizant of how there are different parts of myself and how I thrive when all of them are nourished and in balance with one another. I realize that I am at my most authentic self when all of my parts (or identities) are welcomed and naturally flow from me.
This means avoiding the need to code-switch in order to hide my curiosity, disguise my indifference, or downplay my brilliance. No matter where I am, I give myself permission to act as authentically as possible in all places and contexts. This is how I am freeing myself: through knowledge and prioritization of self. The second part of Morrison’s quote of “gaining ownership of that freed self” (or freed mind) is where obstacles present themselves.
Overcoming these obstacles
On my Inner Journey, I confessed to myself the fears and practices that hinder me which meant acknowledging what I want to achieve followed by what practices and thoughts hinder this achievement versus bringing me closer to reaching it.
I want to be a recognized creator whose artwork sustains and nourishes myself and community holistically while giving honor to the creator and my ancestors.
Practices that stop my growth are self sabotage as I procrastinate using the illusion of perfectionism to delay showing my creations. I also procrastinate out of fear that my ideas, style, and work will be stolen.
I am overcoming this fear with the powerful realization that came with this question: would I rather replicate the work of others or would I rather be replicated?
I rather be replicated and be a source of inspiration than be incapable of originality and copying the works of others. I realize the trap of perfectionism and I release it but releasing the threat of being stolen from is harder to shake.
In order to release the fear of theft, I have to acknowledge the source of this feeling. First it is a very common practice for large corporations to ‘be inspired’ by new creatives without giving them recognition or cutting a check.
Going deeper though, I have to see the macro-level history that shows how melanated peoples of African descent have been ransacked, hoodwinked, and plundered for centuries. This takes it to the highest level for me in terms of factoring in the context of capitalism and the forced commodification of Black labor and culture which normalizes stealing and exploiting Black and African peoples today.
I release the fear of being stolen from by acknowledging my choice to offer my creations freely. My creativity is fueled by limitless bounds of divine inspiration and if others choose to mistake or exploit my generosity, may their fate be karmic.
I understand fear is a construct so I evolve in my freedom by releasing all thoughts and practices bound in fears that do no serve my wholeness. I am learning to construct my own perspective of fear that is nourishing by not allowing it to paralyze me but seeing it as a sign to go harder because being scared and uncomfortable is a sign of growth. I set myself free by being exactly who I was always meant to be.
How are you living in your freedom? Are there any fears that could be released or transmuted to help you live more freely?
